i'm going crazy.

my mom just told me she won't send me to penn state.
i'm just going to drop out of high school.
work full time at some craphole job.
i might as well not even have tried.

im just a waste apparently.

thanks mom. for making me so fucking depressed every day of my life.

things are gonna change now for the better.

If you ever want to know me, ask me. I most likely will deny your friendship, even if we've known each other forever, I'm sick of people. I'm disgusted with the human race and everything we've done. I'm at that point in my life where everyone's mistakes are my burden. I'm also beggining to realize that I have to live for tomorrow, not today. I'm looking forward to the future. Looking forward to see what happens with the world, my friends, my family, myself. I'm not expecting anything, I'm just hoping that everything gets better. Do you understand? Do you seriously really understand that everything you say and do I take with me and keep thinking about forever. I never forget anything anyone does to me, or anything that effects me. And somehow it's all coming back to haunt me. I'm not saying I hate my friends. I'm saying I'm disappointed with the choices I made in some of my friends. I clearly need to wise up and not trust so easily. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I hand out trust like it's a phone number. I've gotten better. But my walls are thick so when it's time to actually need to trust, it's going to screw me over. I'm a tough person to figure out. Some say "annoying." I just want someone to figure me out. I'd say I've got a couple people to. I'm just so sick of people wanting to just use me for their personal convience. WHAT ABOUT MY PERSONAL CONVIENCE?! I need your help sometimes too. I need people to listen and actually CARE. Therefore, I need people who know me. My mom doesn't even know half of my story. I'm just upset about how everyone has let me down and the world too. I'm ready for this change.

I'm ready.

college.

tuition: 16,000
everthing else: 9,000

i'm going to die.
i'm so poor right now.
how am i going to do anything with life.
i guess that's the point.
i won't have money to waste.
or do anything with life.

if you think

that you can call me annoying and I'll ignore it or you won't hear about it. you're wrong.

i am not annoying. i am myself. unapologetic. what you say won't get to me, but you do not get away with it. it just doesn't go away. because it's not true. it's your opinion you see. if i were annoying would i honestly have been able to keep people in my life for 18 years. friends that are so close we don't even have to speak to say what we feel like that day. how do you know how annoying i am. you're just impatient. that's all. you're a rude bastard who is a hypocrite. you say you're a christian and you have a relationship with god. but i think really you're just saying that to hide what you really do. you're nothing like the bible says a christian should be. hell, i'm closer than you are and i don't even believe in god. if god is real, he'd probably side with me first.haha you're a waste. you know that deep down. you're failing at your life. and you're failing at everything you do. and i hope when i'm making hundreds of thousands of dollars and you're poor and broke still, i hear about you needing money and you know what, i'll give you nothing. because you didn't give me the time of day. thanks for your hospitality though. or rather your parents.

i'm in detroit. ish.

well in the beginning...

Cara's consequences;; she had skipped school so she couldn't attend the shindig in Detroit. so that's her bad. Dorothy took her place in the show.

bad incidents;; i got a flat tire. i had no money, like from Cara it would have split costs. but that didn't happen so i had to borrow money from my parents and they gave me 80 bucks. i now have like 29 in my car. 11 from bottle returns.

20
+25
+11
-11

80
-45
35


that's my money situation at this EXACT moment right now.

i got a flat tire. so i lost thirty minutes. and then i had to find out where i was going, and i got lost. then we couldn't find the can return in meijer's. and then we couldn't find patron. so that was dumb. then we got to st. andrews late. i missed jonezetta. MY HUSBAND!!!! but anberlin was soooooo amazing. so that was alright. but i really wish it would have been extremely worth it and had seen jonezetta. but that's alright. i'm going to marry him. i swear to it.

i have a migrane right now. and i dont want to go to my car and get the medicine. plus i would just fall asleep. that's bad news.

the kids at the show were nerds. i hate them.