never ending.

seems like you never slow down. you never stop to breathe. and every move you make it makes my heart beat faster and lungs push harder than they ever have. feels like i'm running in circles. i'm scared of your life. i'm scared one day, my lungs will collapse and my heart will give up on my soul and my mind.


that's all i had. because i'm sick of all of my friends always go go go. and i'm just so laid back. but i know one day, it's going to get me. anyways;; these are all of my myspace blogs. i'm deleting them from there and posting them on here.


Sunday, January 28, 2007

i'm waiting on someone who doesn't want me.


i just want someone to call my own ya know?

a boy who is funny, sarcastic, outgoing, not too serious.
a boy who will sit at home with me when i dont feel good, buy me soup and vitamin water.
a boy who will text me when i'm at school and tell me to have a good day.
a boy who will watch cartoons with me, and sacrifice his own show.
a boy who will cuddle, kiss, and be sweet to me. buy me flowers. do anything nice.
a boy who doesn't need me. a boy who doesn't want me to always be there.
a boy who doesn't care if i go out or just sit at home alone. because i do that.
a boy who understands that i am living my life for me.
a boy who is in it for the long run. not something useless.
a boy who understands my fetishes and makes fun of them with me.
a boy who can talk to me for hours about nothing and not care.
a boy who will go on trips with my family and me and be comfortable.
a boy who likes me as much as i do.
a boy who doesn't want to grow up.



Wednesday, January 31, 2007

more.

a boy who;;
-bakes with me.
-covers me with a blanket if i fall asleep on the couch.
-will talk about how ugly people are with me. or gorgeous.
-goes on random road trips.
-doesn't care if i don't wear make up.
-will drive to my house instead of making me drive.
-takes me to a movie.
-buys me the little things i say i want, not the big things.
-plays in the snow with me.
-IS A GENTLEMAN WHEN IT COMES TO COURTESY!
-will listen to my music and not complain.
-dance in the car with me and sing and not care to look like fools.
-will just lay in bed with me all day or night and stare at the ceiling.
-but still doesn't need me all the time. i love being with people, but clingy people bother me.



Friday, February 02, 2007

my cold cold heart.

this will explain why i'm so cold-hearted and not so trusting.

i'm over these stupid crushes i have. i'm over being let down and heartbroken.

i paint this picture in my head of what i want and what i want to be, and it's dumb to do, but i'm a foolish person. i guess it's all in the fun of the game? the game of being let down and disappointed again and building myself back up.

there are these walls. but i find someone i want, or i think i want. and i start taking down the wall to put in a door frame. but then they come in with a wrecking ball. they ruin what i've built and what everyone has helped build.

so then i start over, all on my own. it's better that way, better in the long run. i've decided that stones are better than sticks, stronger, and more durable. i'm using cement, not super glue this time. each time it happens, it's getting a layer thicker and thicker.

ever wondered why i don't trust people? it's because i always end up being let down in the end. i just want to be happy. i want something to put my whole heart into. not time or effort, but heart. i am small, and i'm not stable all the time, but i have a lot of love and a lot of things to give. but people tend to just screw me over and not care about how great of a person i am. i really am trying hard to be better, but how can i when no one else does? i always end up alone day after day. night after night. i just want someone who can help me take the cement and bricks down, instead of doing it alone.


Saturday, February 03, 2007

someday seems like forever away.

i wonder why i cry everynight. my mom tells me someone will love me someday. but someday seems like forever away. i have a lot of love to give, and a lot of holes to fill. i look at all my friends move on with their lives, and i regress, going back to my childish ways. going back to the days when nothing would hurt but a few scraps and bruises and chipped teeth. nothing could make you cry but walking into the dentist's office. but it's failing fast. make me happy. make me smile. make me have something i don't deserve. make me the lucky one. i want to fall asleep in someones arms. i want to make them jealous. i want the world, in one person who doesn't exsit. and if he does, i haven't found him. if i have, he doesn't want me. if he does, he clearly has not made it known.

i don't know why i am the one who sleeps in a cold bed.

As another morning begins;;

I will begin to recover. I will begin to see that he was nothing more to me than, another quest to overcome. I did. I figured him out. I pinned him. I got it right.

On other notes, 2-hour delay. Yeah, the Colts won. And I'm not surprised. You're playing "Da Bears." Seriously? Look at them, they got there by chance because they somehow got to playoff's and got to play the Saints who suck worse than them. Too bad it couldn't have been a good game. Also, Myspace was unblocked at school. I figure it's to catch people and check out their site's.

I want someone to make me some iced-tea and cupcakes and watch a movie with me tonight. That's all.